Looking back, my life had been one laden with sorrow and pain, of traps and pitfalls, of tears and heartaches, of disappointments and despair. Joy and happiness were too few and far between that they seemed non-existent. Or perhaps, that was just the way I chose to look at the life I had. I might just have been too caught up in my discontent that I chose to focus on the negative things that happened instead of choosing to highlight the few episodes of joy.
God gave me my fair share of life’s loads. But my human nature chose to build mountains out of the molehills that he scattered along my path. Of course, all of us want a smooth journey as we travel this road called life but God knows better. Instead of smoothening the rough points along my life’s highway, he scattered molehill after molehill which caused me to lose focus on the purpose of the journey. The molehills overwhelmed me. I thought God was out to break me. What I did not realize was the fact that He merely wanted me to reach out to Him; for me to grasp His hane each time I stumbled so I will not fall so He can put me back on my feet again but instead of doing so, I ignored the outstretched hand and proceeded to work my way around each and every molehill and climbed past emotional and spiritual mountains on my own — believing only in my own capacity to surpass them.
I did surpass them all! I beat the odds. But where did they leave me? What was left of me after the battle was fought? I was left feeling angry and bitter at the world— even more angry at myself. I built my own shell as a fortress that would shield me from the pain and the misery. I vowed that nothing and no one could ever touch me and hurt me again. I was all alone, hurting and bitter but despite the fortress which I thought was strong enough to protect me from the world, God sent me crippling trials—one after the other. There seemed no way out. My fortress was built so strong that no ordinary human could come near too easily.
I was wallowing in pain. I was barely floating in my own ocean of helplessness and hopelessness. I had nowhere else to turn to, I had no one for I did not trust friends. I only had God to run to.
At one point in my life, just when I thought that death was much better than living a bitter life, I chose to look back , admitted my weakness and my pride and humbled myself before Him. Life, since then, had never been smoothsailing but I have changed. My view on the world and on life in general has changed. It seemed as though a dark cloud had been lifted off my being and at last, the sun’s rays can freely penetrate my spirit. My heart had been cleansed! It felt as though I was created anew! Looking back, I never felt so lighthearted than when I felt the heavy weight lifted off my being — loads of hate, anger, pride, disillusionment and all.
Looking back, my heart was so light it just seemed to fly off my chest and towards the sky in jubilation. I was finally free of the many things that made my life hell! And all because of the realization that GOD LOVES ME! God loves me! How marvelous. Though I don’t deserve it, it feels so good and comforting to know that my life is in the hands of the One who loves me best —GOD!
With awe and reverence to the Father, I write this poem:
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