For My Gift From God December 13, 2008

I still remember clearly the “single years” — my years of hoping and praying that MR. RIGHT will show himself before me all garbed in his “knight in shining armour” gear. I envisioned him to be my protector; someone to shield me from everything that would cause me harm.

Along the course of that lonely and seemingly hopeless searches, there were those “trees” along the path —readily promising shade and comfort when looked at from a considerable distance but really offering nothing at all — a mirage of the happiness so much desired….

My illusions had been shattered, my heart broken into millions of tiny fragments. But I have always moved on, picking up all the broken bits and pieces and slowly mending my disillusioned and tattered self esteem… always holding on to hope…

Then from out of the blue, my prince appeared —just when I thought everything was bleak and dreary, he came to me bringing roses in the rain and making me believe in love all over again…

So, for the love of my life, I write these lines…

Plo,

You are the greatest blessing that God has given me. We have been through so much and will still go through so much, I know. But as long as we hold each other’s hands and not let go, as long as we believe in the strength of our love for each other, and as long as we keep JESUS the glue that binds us together, we will make it through every storm towards another sunshine….

If there ever was a situation that I am thankful for, it was knowing you in my moment of deepest despair and you changed my life in many ways. If there ever was a day which I am thankful for, it was was that fateful day when you took me in your life and made me your wife…

You are more than just my destiny…you, to me, are the gift that God has wrapped especially for me…

Thank you for staying a gift through all these years. I am happy having you…and I am not even through unwrapping the carefully wrapped package of your person which is slowly revealed to me each moment we’re together. And I tell myself that God must love me so much to have blessed me with a special person…a husband, a best friend, a confidante, a brother, a lover….all wrapped in a beautiful present called EFREN PALACIO…

Jing

In the Quiet of the Night December 10, 2008

In the quiet of the night

I lay wrapped in your embrace,

My precious love

You are my heart, my destiny

For it is through you

That God has given

His best gift to me

In the quiet of the night

I lay wrapped with the memory

Of how we had been

Of how we used to be

For we used to smile smiles

That bring rings to our laughters

Like carefree children

In the quiet of the night

I lay wrapped with questions

That gnaw at my heart

That freezes my hopes

Have you changed?

Have I changed?

Sometimes, I feel I know nothing anymore…

In the quiet of the night

I lay wrapped with fears

That we might be so close

Yet our hearts are far apart

Are you discontented?

Am I not enough anymore?

I can’t help it, I’m afraid

In the quiet of the night

As I lay wrapped in embrace

By you, my love

May you believe somehow

That it is through you

That God has given

His best gift to me…

Most marriages go through days of uncertainty especially during the days when it just began and looks and feels like it’s soon to end.

This one’s written during those times… those times of endless arguments and crying and holding on and fighting to keep afloat despite the upheaval of the sea we were sailing through.

This was written years ago… but I keep them to remind me that what my husband and I share today is a product of sacrifices, compromises and everything…

I’m Sorry, Love December 10, 2008

Years ago, when my marriage was still new, I brought with me the stubborness of singlehood including the tantrums and all the blah blahs…

Naturally, my husband would complain a lot and in return, I would reason out a lot. Arguments seemed endless and there just seemed no area where we could agree upon. Hard headed as I am, I know I am not an easy woman to tame.

I still haven’t changed. I’m still hard to tame and I know I can never be tamed by anyone. I can be independent to a fault and stubborn to a fault and it had been one cause of conflict earlier in my marriage. My husband has learned to accept that. And I have learned to slow down a bit and mellow down a bit.

Sometimes though, I come to a point when I think about what would have happened if I was married with someone other than my husband. Would he be able to live with my stubborness? Would he be able to live with my independence?

This poem was written when he was still working as a seaman in Japan. I really sent him the typewritten replica of this poem enclosed with a card because I knew I had irked him many times within that short two year period of the marriage then(this was written in 1999 yet). Now, we are to celebrate our 1th wedding anniversary in April and thanks God, we have gone so far.

Some wives think that saying I’m sorry is synonymous with surrendering to her husband’s every whim. I say, it is acknowledging that I can make mistakes and therefore, can make changes in my personality which could be a hindrance for my marriage to progress. But I will not allow my husband to treat me like a doormat or to abuse me physically or emotionally or verbally. He knows me better than that. And I also know that to nag him, to threaten to leave him or to resort to shouting obscenities will not him make change him, change me or change the way things are. Instead, they would just make matters worse.

For me, it is never shameful to say:

I’M SORRY LOVE

I’m sorry, love

If I have fallen low

From your expectations

I tried, you see

But what you have always wanted

I could not seem to be

I am my own person

The person that you see

So, please love and love me

For everything I will be.

I’m sorry, love

If I have hurt you

If I have somewhat

Slashed you with my tongue

I didn’t mean anything, you see

And I took it for granted

You’ll always be there for me

No matter what

No matter where we’ll be

I pictured you always loving me

I’m sorry, love

If I am not

Your picture of perfection

If I sometimes smudge my face with lipstick

If I stumbled when I walked

Or mumbled when I talked

Please just hold me up

Each time I fall

That’s what I need from you

Most of all

I’m sorry. love

If I grabbed your pillow at night

Or accidentally swung my hands all over your face

If I rolled farther away

From your arms as we slept

Perhaps, it just felt hot

Or I never knew at all

For all I want is you close to me

From that day we met till eternity.

I’m sorry, love

If to you, I am not the ideal mother and wife

You see, I once lived

In unbearable strife

And vowed each and everyday

Never to let anyone

Come freely into my life

But I love you, you must know

Though I can’t seem to let it show.

I’m sorry, love

If I did everything wrong

… cried when we should have talked

… never tried to learn to cook

These are just two of the things, I know

Which have hurt you

More than I’ll ever know

Be patient with me

Help me to grow

As you help me become the wife and mother

That I ought to be.