Responsible Parenthood??? December 12, 2008

Halfway through the priest’s homily a few months ago as  I was attending mass, I felt the urge to get out.  If you think it’s the homily that made me want to get out, the answer is yes.

It’s all about the bill in Congress entitled the Responsible Parenthood Act of 2007 and how it is supposed to punish the poor for having more children…that pregnancy, if this bill will be approved,( with the statement that contraceptives will be considered essential medicines), shall be considered a disease. That contraception is not pro-life and so on and so forth.

Of course, all of us share different views and I am not against the Church on this matter because the viewpoint of one priest doesn’t necessarily have to mean the view of the entire priesthood.  In a manner where clash of opinions and ideas do arise, it is also expected that there will also be some forms of disagreement that will arise, but hopefully, something that wouldn’t lead to social discord.

Personally, I view the Responsible Parenthood Act as a desperate means of the legislators to control the population explosion.  I know it is not morally upright, but economically, it is the most sound solution.  We are faced with a situation where diminishing resources are to be divided among the millions of citizens.  Food shortages, unemployment, rising prices of commodities — these problems are faced by everyone everyday, but the average Filipino doesn’t even realize that these problems have something to do with the population boom.

The priest further stated that some provisions in the Responsible Parenthood Act are good and he stressed on which he thought were detrimental to the “poor”, so he said. As I listened to him state his views on the issue, I realized the bias to suit and justify the claim of the church.  He said that because the poor couldn’t produce quality citizens, they are, therefore, not allowed to have children. I couldn’t believe that the legislators meant for the point to be taken that way and I am not sold out to his justification because everyday, being a teacher in a public high school, I see the ill effects of irresponsible parenthood — parents bringing into the world children that they couldn’t even support.— children who have potentials, but who have become despondent and hopeless because of the dysfunctional family they are in. Those who are well off have lesser children compared with the poor who has an average of 5 children whom they can’t even send to college and whose necessities they couldn’t even meet.  I have students who come in late for school because they have to fish for their daily consumption — students who need to absent themselves  from their classes because they have to harvest coconut, harvest corn, harvest rice, do menial jobs so they can help support their family because their father is a drunkard and their mother is always gambling.  I have a student who, just this month, dropped out of school because she has gotten pregnant.  I have had students in the past who graduated pregnant.

This isn’t an issue about whether we are pro-life or anti-life.  I am pro-life, naturally and I consider abortion a great sin.  But it is also a sin to bring in children into the world only to make them suffer.  I am not in favor of contraceptives either. In fact, I am not using contraceptives — because I have a responsible husband who plans for the welfare of the children that we bring into this world.

The priest made a big issue about the fact that sex education should be introduced starting from Grade V until Fourth Year.  He further claims that because it is a subject, then, it must need a practicum.  I couldn’t help but blow my top while listening to him.  Of course, it isn’t meant that way — he just stated it that way so that Catholics will have a reason to fight the bill. For me, it is a necessary means to educate our youth about human sexuality and reproduction because many have gotten pregnant and many have gotten their girlfriends impregnated because they had the wrong information about the matter.  When children ask about sexuality, the natural reaction of conservative parents is to scold and nag and brand their children as prostitutes or something of the sort — or we mislead them by talking about the birds and the bees.  The result is that, some young girls who get pregnant have the wrong notion that they couldn’t get pregnant the first time they have sex and so on… too many fallacies that need to be corrected.

The priest stated that the best way to educate children and to keep them from engaging in fornication is through inculcation of Christian values by the parents, but I haven’t seen this happening.  Gone are those days when virginity and chastity among girls are most revered and upheld.  Gone are those days when the boys are the ones doing the chasing.  And gone are those days when our girls are kept within the safety of the home when dusk falls. I have seen this happening everyday because I see this in my students.  I have seen the morality of young women crumbling down to an irreparable state.  So who’s mistake is that?  The mistake of the legislators again?  We are counting on the parents, but unfortunately, it’s the parents who  have become instrumental in destroying the morality of their children.  We have unfortunately come to a stage where we have proved these line of a song:  THERE’S A DANGER IN LOVING SOMEBODY TOO MUCH.   Parents have given children too much freedom, have spared them the pain of struggling to learn to do things on their own, have provided every whim and luxury to the point of raising shallow children who have much knowledge on earthly things but whose spirituality is lacking… I could go on and on, but I know it’s the only thing I can do. What hurts me is the fact that I could be doing the very same mistakes these parents have done because I am an absentee parent myself.

I also have children — children whom I have to entrust to other people because I need to work to survive…. perhaps, this is the reason why our young children are morally lacking — it’s because they have parents who could supply them with everything they want, but who couldn’t feed their spiritual and emotional hunger because they are busy making ends meet.  I have children who, just like the generation before them, are faced with the challenge of being morally upright in an immoral world.  I couldn’t assure success.  I could only pray and ask for guidance because I am but a human being who is bound to make mistakes…

I know that Reproductive Health Act of 2007 is not the solution to the problem.  But I also know that the Catholic Church’s strong negation isn’t an answer either.  But perhaps, being what it is, an institution of faith which uphold morality, the Catholic Church can do a lot to solve this problem which has arisen from moral degeneration.  Perhaps it should start preaching on a more personal level — on a level where the parents could get to understand that the family is the only hope of the transformation of the youth so we can hope for wholesome citizens someday. — citizens who will bring in children into this world responsibly.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am a Catholic and I am staying that way.  I just felt the need to write this today.

If Only December 12, 2008

Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell.

- Proverbs 23: 13-14 –

These verses struck a chord in me today as I reflected on the plight of many teenagers who get their lives entangled into a seemingly irreparable mess early in their lives. I couldn’t help but be affected because I see this situation in my adolescent students everyday. I see the promise of intelligence gleaming through the look in their eyes — gleams that are so easily outshone by the shallow glitter of false gold that are so readily offered by the world. Students who come from a home complete with a mother and a father but who couldn’t even be civil towards each other in front of their children — parents who are literally trying to tear each other’s throats off in front of the children — children who naturally grow with the nagging question: “ARE THESE THE KIND OF PARENTS WHO WILL GUIDE ME TO BE THE PERSON THAT GOD WANTS ME TO BE?”

In my younger years, there were no parents guarding or watching their children in school for the whole day even when their children were already in Grade Five. There were no nannies who brought lunch boxes and umbrellas and face towels. There were no private tutors who were expected to answer assignments and make projects; no overprotective mom who readily wipes the sweat from the brows of her child. In short, children ,during my time, were allowed to be children … they were allowed to explore, to enjoy and to learn from their mistakes.  And they weren’t spared the rod of correction. Children were allowed the normalcy of being human. They were allowed to experience the sturdiness of a tree branch, the bruising pain of a fall, the freedom of running against the wind and feel it beating against one’s face, the comforting lap of sea water at midday wiping out any heat of the scorching sun.

We are at an unfortunate time when most parents equate love of their children with various material things: fancy dresses, expensive toys, a trip to Disneyland, modern gadgets and all those things. This is an unfortunate time when for some, going to church on Sundays has become a necessary farce for some families just to show off new clothes, cars and other things. This is an unfortunate time when parents think it a great sin to correct a child of his mistakes; a time when we have raised pretty and handsome —physically able — sons and daughters but who actually are spiritually and emotionally invalid because we have loved them too much to let them learn on their own. We have loved our children too much to the point of killing their blossoming spirits which could have bloomed through the hardships and the trials that would have polished the diamonds within themselves to perfection and undimmed radiance.

I remember a reading I had more than a decade ago. It was about a child who was pampered to destruction by his mother. Each time he made mistakes, he wasn’t reprimanded. When he wronged another child, he wasn’t scolded and corrected; when he stole from his mother’s wallet, the mother would dismiss it simply as a juvenile trick — she would just smile to her son and tell him how much she loved him instead. When he grew to be an adolescent, he was involved in a petty crime and was brought to the police station for interrogation. Once again, the ever loving mother came to his rescue to the point of scolding and berating the poor policemen and telling them that her son is a good man who can do no wrong. And then the young man grew up. His crimes escalated from the petty to the heinous ones. One day, he got arrested because he took part in a bank robbery. As expected, the mother hurried to the station to vouch for her son’s character and credibility. The son, who had been quietly sitting on one corner of the cell suddenly stood up and shouted, “ARREST THAT WOMAN!” The mother was baffled. She couldn’t understand why her son would want her imprisoned after everything she had done for him. She said, “MY SON, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE STILL GROWING UP, I DIDN’T LET YOU DO HOUSEHOLD CHORES BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO GET TIRED. I DIDN’T REPRIMAND YOU WHEN YOU STOLE FROM MY WALLET, DELIBERATELY THREW THE DISHES ON THE FLOOR OR MADE ANOTHER CHILD CRY. I PROTECTED YOU FROM EVERYTHING THAT WOULD CAUSE YOU MISERY AND PAIN. WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO BE IN THAT CELL INSTEAD OF YOU?”

And the young man answered, “IF  YOU ONLY CORRECTED ME BACK WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, IF  YOU ONLY MADE ME LEARN RIGHT FROM WRONG, IF YOU ONLY LOVED ME ENOUGH TO MAKE ME REALIZE MY MISTAKES, I WOULDN’T BE ON THIS CELL TODAY.”